do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
