Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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