I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
