I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
