I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize