if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize