i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
