ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
