Who wears a wallet chain?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
