I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
