guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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