i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
