So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
