sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
