I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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