My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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