are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
