I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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