Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
