If i come over, it means nothing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
