Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
