she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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