I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
