So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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