You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
