Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
