The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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