what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We need to rekindle our bromance
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
