Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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