So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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