I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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