oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
