in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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