he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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