The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My bed smells like the plague
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
