NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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