I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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