Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
