the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
