You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you still have your period?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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