And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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