Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
