I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm experimenting with sincerity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
