Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
