I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
