considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
