if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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