We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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