So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
