he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize