my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
