its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
