just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ttyl tear gas
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
