oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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