I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize