You really coming over, don't trick.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
