And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
