Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
