the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
