nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
