Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
