well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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