I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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