if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
