Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
