My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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