I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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