K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
