I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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