I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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