Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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