Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
