So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
