This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
