Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
