my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
