But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
