Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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