Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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