I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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