Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
